![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
3pipeproblemWritten for today's (also known as yesterday's in some circles) portion of ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
deadmarshes' 12 Days of Ficlets challenge. Today yesterday's theme was denial.
Mystic River, stream of consciousness-y
Dave remembers playing cops and robbers with Sean and Jimmy. He remembers the ski mask Jimmy would borrow from his dad, how in order to see Jimmy had to pull it back so far that one time Jimmy punched Dave for telling him it looked like he had a stocking on his head.
He remembers Sean. Dave always remembers Sean as the cop, even though if Sean was feeling especially nice he would let Dave try being the cop for a while. He sees Sean's hand curled into a gun, Sean's arm stretched straight as an arrow as he sprints down the street. If it's really quiet, if Dave squeezes his eyes shut and concentrates really hard, he can still hear Sean's shoes pounding the sidewalk, can hear him yelling "Stop!"
He never thought Sean was a real cop for a second. Sean couldn't growl like cops could, couldn't look at you so that you knew you were in trouble before they even said anything. He knows that's how they fooled him. How they got him to think they were cops. They looked at him like he was a criminal. Like he needed to be punished.
Dave doesn't think about cops a lot now, but he hugs his pillow whenever he hears a siren screaming down the street even though he shouldn't because it's a wimpy thing to do. He can't help it.
He used to like pretend games. Even though Jimmy and Sean always made him be the store owner who got robbed or the robber's friend who got caught and sent to jail. It made him feel important. Because without him Sean would have nobody to catch and Jimmy would have nobody to help him and the game didn't work. Besides, he liked being someone else, someone dangerous. It made him feel grown up.
Now, even though he wakes up sometimes in the middle of the night and cries into his hands like he hasn't done since he was four, now he thinks he is grown up. He doesn't see Sean and Jimmy anymore, wonders less and less if Sean got a new bike for his birthday, if Jimmy got his hair cut shorter like he wanted.
He wakes up and sees his face patterned out on his pillowcase in tears because he is crying again. He remembers things he doesn't want to remember and the things he thinks he should remember fade.
He doesn’t play anymore, doesn’t pretend. He doesn’t need to. He pretends every day.
Every day he walks out the door and pretends to be the Dave that didn't get into that car on that day.
deadmarshes' 12 Days of Ficlets challenge. Mystic River, stream of consciousness-y
Dave remembers playing cops and robbers with Sean and Jimmy. He remembers the ski mask Jimmy would borrow from his dad, how in order to see Jimmy had to pull it back so far that one time Jimmy punched Dave for telling him it looked like he had a stocking on his head.
He remembers Sean. Dave always remembers Sean as the cop, even though if Sean was feeling especially nice he would let Dave try being the cop for a while. He sees Sean's hand curled into a gun, Sean's arm stretched straight as an arrow as he sprints down the street. If it's really quiet, if Dave squeezes his eyes shut and concentrates really hard, he can still hear Sean's shoes pounding the sidewalk, can hear him yelling "Stop!"
He never thought Sean was a real cop for a second. Sean couldn't growl like cops could, couldn't look at you so that you knew you were in trouble before they even said anything. He knows that's how they fooled him. How they got him to think they were cops. They looked at him like he was a criminal. Like he needed to be punished.
Dave doesn't think about cops a lot now, but he hugs his pillow whenever he hears a siren screaming down the street even though he shouldn't because it's a wimpy thing to do. He can't help it.
He used to like pretend games. Even though Jimmy and Sean always made him be the store owner who got robbed or the robber's friend who got caught and sent to jail. It made him feel important. Because without him Sean would have nobody to catch and Jimmy would have nobody to help him and the game didn't work. Besides, he liked being someone else, someone dangerous. It made him feel grown up.
Now, even though he wakes up sometimes in the middle of the night and cries into his hands like he hasn't done since he was four, now he thinks he is grown up. He doesn't see Sean and Jimmy anymore, wonders less and less if Sean got a new bike for his birthday, if Jimmy got his hair cut shorter like he wanted.
He wakes up and sees his face patterned out on his pillowcase in tears because he is crying again. He remembers things he doesn't want to remember and the things he thinks he should remember fade.
He doesn’t play anymore, doesn’t pretend. He doesn’t need to. He pretends every day.
Every day he walks out the door and pretends to be the Dave that didn't get into that car on that day.
no subject
Date: 2004-01-02 10:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-02 06:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-01-03 11:27 am (UTC)